Saturday, June 26, 2010

You Better Recognize…….

Hate speech is hate speech regardless of who is speaking.

 From the HipHop Industrial Complex
Rappers?!?! What are you gonna do? Have they lost their minds??? I am amazed (but somehow not) at how comfortable these guys feel spewing this unadulterated hate/disrespect toward black women, be it on YouTube or online print media. But then, they believe we are an easy target. Who will defend the honor and image of black women? Anyone? Anyone?

Black women, note to self, when a guy tells you he prefers white women because ww are beautiful and obedient and will not date black women because bw won’t bow down and think too highly of themselves, believe him!!! Don’t turn around and beg him to accept you, despite the fact he thinks you are unattractive and unlovable. Don’t ask him to change his mind about you and give you a chance despite the flaws he perceives in you because of your skin color. I mean, would you beg a racist white person to reconsider their opinions of black folk and accept you as a friend despite their perceptions of you as sub-human? I. Think. Not.

When the words of an individual or group indicate you are not wanted, don’t get mad or defensive or hurt, get thee gone!!! And don’t look back. Your were not meant to be a punching bag (literally or metaphorically) or a pillar of salt.

 From Bloggers/Commenters
The level of venom, vitriol, violence contained in some of the blog posts and comments in the black blogosphere regarding bw in general and relationships in particular can be breathtaking (no, not in a good way)! It is striking how the comments of some self-identified black men are remarkably similar in tone and content to the white people on mainstream media outlets/blogs who routinely vomit the most hateful speech in relation to persons of color with little or no provocation.

And this is coming from black men!?!? Our black kings!?!? WTH! (What the heck)

Ladies I ask you, how can we save the black community with all the division and mistrust among us? We. Cannot.

The black community has already Balkanized along socio-economic, residential, educational and cultural lines. Stop looking back! Move forward!

From Black Women
I don’t know which boggles my mind more, the bw who agree with the bm promulgating this foolishness or the bw who apologize for the bm who are so traumatized by life under the constant oppression of ‘The Man’ that he strikes out at the people who have been and are there for him, the black woman.

There are some male-identified black women have completely bought into the notion of ‘black love’ and will accept any piece of man as long as she can say she has her ‘king’. This kind of women will harangue and harass other black women who refuse to accept the lowest common denominator as a viable mate. They cheerfully throw bw under the bus so they can be seen as a ‘loyal, nothing-but-a-black-man kind of woman. Get off the bus!

Don’t Believe the Hype

Resist this foolishness in all its guises.

You cannot reason with hate.

It is not your job to protect or defend the black community.

Being a black woman does not mean you are unsupportive, unreasonable and unloving.

You do not have to be a doormat to deserve love and respect.

You Must Remember This

You are beautiful, intelligent, and desirable.

You have the right to be loved, protected, and happy.

Never doubt the power of your femininity.

Never diminish yourself to make someone else feel better.

A man who requires that you be less; is less. Walk away

You. Are. Enough.


Saturday, June 19, 2010

You Can Go Your Own Way

Opinions are like egos, everybody’s got one. The question is, are the opinions of others more important than your own?

Everyone wants to be liked
People want other people to like them. People want the approval of their family and friends and neighbors and random people on the street. So much of our self-esteem is predicated on what other people think of us. Our self-concept is based on where we located ourselves on the social, economic, educational continuum relative to how close we feel we are to the people we admire. Seeking the approval of others is in our genes; it’s ‘Survival 101’, while this trait was necessary for our survival on the savanna, not so much in 2010.

Keeping up appearances
The financial downturn (aka recession) has cost middle and working class families their jobs, their homes, their cars. For a lot of people, the material goods by which we define ourselves (unfortunately) seem to be slipping out of our hands. For those who haven’t lost their job, they may have to deal with a reduction in salary either through direct wage cut or curtailed work week. Facing the loss of a job or reduction in income, you would think the reasonable response would be to reduce personal expenditures. If you have lost your job, is it practical for you to attempt to live they way you did when you were gainfully employed? Why are you trying to maintain that lifestyle? Are worried others will think less of you because you have been laid-off, down-sized, or have suffered a salary reduction?

What I know for sure is no-one is living your life but you. What you chose to do or choose not do is your decision! Even when you refuse to decide, you make a choice. If you make or fail to make decisions because you are afraid of what other people will think…..well, “Houston, we have a problem”!

This isn’t to say the wise counsel of someone with experience isn’t welcome, but if you are hesitating or not acting because you are afraid someone will think you are being ‘uppity’ or being ‘stuck up’ or the ever-popular ‘acting white’; then see the above ‘Houston’ reference.

Not worrying about what others think, is hard work but essential; even, no especially, when the people whose opinions you are worried about are people you hold in high esteem. Perhaps they have achieved something you would like to achieve; it is easy to be influenced by their experience. Your fears about what they will think of your plan can end up being a roadblock. Understand this! the roadblock is a substitute for your self-generated fear. Overcome it! Put one foot (or word) in front of the other and keep moving. So what if you plan doesn’t look like their plan! So what if you are pursuing a course of action they wouldn’t pursue!

What Would Fleetwood Mac Do?*

“…you can go your own waaaaaay, go your own waaay…”**

We stop ourselves and kill our own ideas and inspirations because we try to match them to what someone else has done. Maybe your book/blog/movie script isn’t the first book/blog/movie script written on a particular topic, it does not mean it isn’t worth the effort to create. And if you make money from your endeavor, so much the better!


*I have so outed myself as a Fleetwood Mac fan!!!!!!

**Word of caution and common sense: I am not talking about doing something rash, reckless, or just plain stupid.