Monday, March 1, 2010

But That’s not the Problem….

Society and the media continue to treat being single as a problem to be solved rather than a way of living in the world.

A number of blogs I visit do the same thing.

Maybe It's Me

Do you get the feeling from reading some blogs if you are still single at some age greater than 40 then there is something wrong with you? Perhaps, according to them, you have fallen for the only-a-black-man party line or have set your standards too high or continue to live in an area with a miniscule number of eligible*, interested men or some other issue pointing to your lack of understanding of or complacency with the status quo. Plenty of bloggers/commenters gleefully predict how women over 40 will end up as sad, lonely, angry, frustrated, bitter, multiple-cat-owning spinsters unable to pass their genetic material into the next generation.

What ever the situation, what they seem to be saying is, it’s your fault.

Single Female Blogging

I suspect like most (some/a significant minority) people, I have periods where I access the internetz with something approaching regularity which are then followed by long periods when I don’t even go online (this past week for example).

I am busy (and deeply grateful to be busy). I work in the fitness field and I drive all over the metro-area to teach. Pro – I am in great shape! Con – I don’t always have time to get to the computer during the week.

I peruse a number of blogs and read a few blogs regularly. Often, I don’t get to read my favorite blogs on a daily, every other day or weekly basis due to my schedule. The blogs I like encourage women to choose wisely; to expand their horizons; to examine actions, thoughts and beliefs; and to develop an inner-life. Heck to live a better life! I enjoy learning about the different paths people take to improve their lives.

What I don’t find (and maybe I just haven’t run across blogs addressing this issue) is a blog focusing on every day life as a single black women not looking for a relationship. What I don’t see is the acknowledgement that singlehood is a viable, enjoyable option. No I am not against marriage. No I am not suggesting children don’t need a father. I am not offering an opinion on motherhood. Being coupled and/or being a mother is not the cure to being single.


Singlehood is not an indication of worth.

I have no doubt the map of your world can be positively shaped by having an intimate relationship with another human being. And by intimate I don’t just mean physical, I mean a deep connection to someone on an emotional, mental, and spiritual (not religious) level. Marriage can give a person that kind of a connection. Or not.

I also have no doubt the map of your world can be positively shaped by having a deep connection to/knowledge of your Self.

Let’s be clear, if you are single beyond the age of 40 there is nothing wrong with you. If you are trying to meet someone: cool. If you are not trying to meet someone because you are engaged in some kind of personal transformation/discovery: cool. If you are not trying because you don’t have room for anyone in your life, now or ever: cool.

Life is worth living and living well when you are single! You don’t need a husband or significant other or children to validate your life. Marriage is not the only path to a happy life. (Mind you, I don’t recommend dating losers or sleeping around indiscriminately (unprotected or otherwise!) either…that would be pointless and mind-bogglingly ill-advised.)

What I mean is if you are single and not dating; if you are not out hunting for Mr. Right at the moment, well that’s cool too!

I'm starting to blog about it. Like to read it? Here we go...


*Eligible does not include men who are married, damaged, no/low value or do not desire monogamy, regardless of color.

No comments: