Monday, August 10, 2009

An Inconvenient Truth

Of the many wars being waged across the globe, none is more crucial than the war men have engaged against women. In any war, the party attacked is obliged, at the very least, to defend itself from the onslaught. This is what’s happening in our country today. While the war may be a stealthy, guerilla-type affair in the larger society; in the AA community, it’s an all-out, take-no-prisoners, shoot-first-and-don’t-ask-questions shooting war.

Who initiated the war? What was the reason the war started? The response differs depending on who you ask.

Feminism vs Patriarchy
Restrictive vs Permissive
Male vs Female
Liberation vs Repression
Civil Rights vs Jim/Jane Crow

Power and privilege concede nothing without a fight. Whether the rights a given group of people are fighting for are basic human rights or rights guaranteed by the constitution/amendments; those in power are not likely to stand idly by while what they perceive as the proper order is overturned.

The Personal

This brings me to the relationships between bm and bw.

Why is it okay for a man to be supported by a woman?

Why is it acceptable for a man to have multiple children with multiple women?

Why is it okay for a woman to bear the burden of raising children alone?

Women, why is it acceptable to date and sleep with convicts, parolees, criminals, and thugs?

Why do women allow themselves to be a part of a harem (sleeping with a man when you know the man is married, in relationship with, or sleeping with another woman)?

Why are these questions a part of our new world order?

Ladies, why do we accept this behavior? Are we that afraid of being single? Are we afraid we will be considered unattractive if we’re not sleeping with some man? Do we not value ourselves? Aren’t we worth more than this?

The answer to the last question is YES!

This post is not an attempt to male bash. This post is an attempt to open our (bw/bg) eyes! Loving yourself and looking out for yourself, and ensuring you have the best this life can offer is not about hating men or hating other women.

Honestly, other people aren’t important! YOU are important! You must want better for yourself!

What is better?

A man who respects you has a human being and a lady. (Ahem, you must actually behave like a lady…..)

A man who understands his mission is to provide a safe environment for you physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

A man who loves his life and who is thrilled and humbled you are a part of his life.

A man who understands it is not his job to oppress you; rather it is his job to partner with you.

A man who is honest and would never put you in danger.

A man who deals with his anger in a constructive manner.

A man who does not hit you.

A man who can commit himself to you. Period.

A man who; if children are desired by you both; will be a positive role model of how a man behaves, not only for your son, but most importantly for your daughter.

It is imperative to have a high-quality, loving relationship with yourself and with your significant other. What you practice in your home will be the template for what your children do in their own lives. Surely you want more for your children than the continuation of toxic, dysfunctional, and straight-up insane relationships. If so, demand better. From yourself and from your relationship.

You teach people how to treat you. When you allow disrespect, foolishness, and violence that is what you will get.

(Neither list is exhaustive. I will post more on behavior in a forthcoming post.)

The Political

Black women in this country occupy a unique position. We experience life outside of the white power structure and the male power structure. Movements demanding human right whether they are civil or women’s wanted to include us because they needed our energy, intellect, our very presence, while simultaneously marginalizing us because of our gender and race. Black women lent there considerable muscle to the civil right movement and to the women’s rights movements, yet found ourselves invisible when it came to the fruits of those movements. The women’s movements continue to have unresolved issues of race; the civil rights movement continues has unresolved issues of gender.

Historically, bw have hitched their wagon to the star of women’s rights and the star of civil rights. We need our own star. I believe one of the facets of our star is the empowerment blogs; by black women for the education, empowerment, and enlightenment of black women. These think tanks, forums, and safe spaces are much needed: (1) to let like-minded women know others with a similar mindset exist; (2) to create networks for disseminating information; and (3) to establish an alternate media/news source.

It has been stated (far better) in other blogs that bw must gain control our image, our brand. This we must do. Will there be haters? Oh yes. Will there be saboteurs? Heck-to-the-yes.

Are we worth the fight? Abso-flipping-lutely!!!


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