Saturday, July 4, 2009

Sex and the Single Black Woman…(or any woman for that matter)

“Let’s talk about sex, baby…let’s talk about all the good things & the bad things that may be…” - Salt&Pepper

Is it just me or have some black women lost their minds? Why are black women participating in hook-ups, jump-offs, or any other hyphenated term used to describe casual sex? In 2004, according to the Center for Disease Control (CDC), HIV/AIDS was the leading cause of death for black women between the ages of 25 and 34; the third leading cause for black women 35 and 44; and the fourth leading cause for black women between the ages of 45 and 54!!

Those statistics are nothing if not sobering! Yet some women don’t seem to get the message! Black women are extremely vulnerable to this disease because of our behavior and poor mate selection practices! All the magical thinking in the world will not make HIV go away once you acquire the disease!

Casually speaking:

Why would a woman engage in a hook-up or allow herself to be treated as a ‘jump-off’ without protecting herself? If you are a grown woman and you choose to participate in casual sex that is your business. But why would you have sex without a condom? Why would you voluntarily expose yourself to the myriad sexually transmitted diseases by not practicing safe/safer sex?

Telling yourself, “He doesn’t look sick”, does not negate your responsibility. This is casual sex not a committed relationship! And while you would hope he would be concerned about your health and safety (after all, he is sleeping with you), your health and safety are not his responsibility. That responsibility belongs to you.

Don’t just sing about being grown and sexy, ACT like it!!!!

Fear of a Single Black Female:

Is fear driving so many black women into the arms ….err, beds…. of these clearly unsuitable men? If all a guy wants from you is sex and if all you want from the guy is sex, fine. Get your safe sex on. But if you are trying to turn a jump-off (where did this term come from?) into a long-term relationship, you are destined for disappointment.

Remember, for most men sex and love are not the same thing. Giving him great sex more often times than not will only lead to more sex, not love. Don’t delude yourself. He is not Prince Charming.

If you are a woman who views sex as a commodity; something to be used to get your non-emotional needs met (i.e., money, cars, utility bills paid, whatever), use protection.

If you are a clear-eyed woman who feels she can have sex without the emotional attachment. Why wouldn't you use the same approach with regard to your sexual health?

There is nothing wrong with being single. If this reckless behavior stems from your belief that if you don’t sleep with the guy without protection he will leave you guess what, you are right. But understand, he is going to leave you anyway, condom or no condom. Not requiring him to use protection does not make you seem more wholesome or less experienced. It does, however, make you more likely to get a sexually transmitted disease.

I’ll take being single, celibate and healthy over being single (because you will probably still be single even if you sex him without protection), in denial and infected any day of the week.

Take charge of your sexual health:

Love and value yourself enough to take care of your physical well being.

Buy your own condoms, spermicide, etc.

Make it clear to any guy who wants to get with you that safe sex is mandatory not optional (I don’t care how fine, rich, funny, or healthy-looking he may be).

Don’t sell yourself out. If he says he won’t use protection, show him the door!


1 comment:

Khadija said...

Hello there, SouthlandDiva!

{excited waving}

I don't see an email button to use to contact you, so I'm leaving my off-topic "Hello there!" comment here. *Smile*

Peace, blessings and solidarity.