Monday, June 29, 2009

The 'Root' of the Matter...

The recent articles posted at ‘The Root’ regarding how women should 1) not pass by guys who lack swagger/bank/degrees i.e. President Obama; and 2) not hold black men to the standard of President Obama are confounding to say the least. Many of the comments on the blog are downright depressing.

One blogger wrote how black women over forty should acknowledge the fact the men in their thirties want women in their twenties and men in their forties want women in their thirties. Oh, and to paraphrase the same guy, how men want women who are beautiful, have long hair and look a little exotic……. *blink*


Women who have long hair and look a little exotic ……..just what is he trying to say??!!

Coded much? And not too subtly at that!

This guy chastises women for being to superficial and picky, and then demonstrates; by way of giving advice to women; just how abysmally superficial he is!!!! He also tells women they just have to accept the fact that men like beautiful women.

Beauty is so subjective! I know people point to the usual suspects when it comes to beautiful black women; Halle, Beyonce, etc. But these women are not the length, width and breadth of beautiful black women continuum!

What does a woman do if she doesn’t meet the commercial beauty standard?

Most of the women I know desire a man who is……there. Physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually present. A man who wants to be in a committed relationship. A man who works. Sorry guys, there is no getting around this one. Most women want a guy who works (though there are some women who don’t mind working outside the home as long as the husband/life partner (for those who don’t want to do the wedding-thing) takes care of the home (childrearing, cooking, cleaning, etc.)). A man who does not sleep around with random women or her friends and family members. For a lot of women fidelity is hella sexy.

Does it go without saying thugs and thug-lites need not apply? Swagger is not appealing to mature women. Confidence yes. Swagger no.

Confidence = being comfortable in your skin; liking who you are as a person; respecting me (others) as a human being; compassion/kindness; ability to demonstrate love through actions/attitudes; being honest; being faithful.

Swagger = exaggerated masculinity; appropriating criminal/convict mentality; being hard, unloving, unkind; reducing women to body parts; being loud and foul-mouthed; disrespecting women, children, elders; being promiscuous/unsafe sex; having a number of children OOW.

Women have to have to have confidence in themselves too. This is not a one way street. I do not advocate men bringing maturity and confidence and decency to the table when the woman has none of these characteristics. This is another part of the problem.

Guys, how about altering your mate selection practices? Instead of always selecting the 'exotically' (I dislike this word) beautiful woman with long hair who may be completely self-absorbed, immature, with an unexamined interior life; how about something new? How about not passing up on women with brown-to-dark skin, non-euro features, and short or natural hair?

There are a lot of brown-skinned, athletic, educated, well-employed, sci-fi loving, jazz (or opera) attending, vegetarian/vegan, nerd-girl types out there. Some of them are over forty too.

Stop blaming and start looking. Stop keeping it real and start actually being real.


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