Saturday, January 19, 2013

Smooth Criminal - Redux by 2Cellos

I love the sound of the cello. Bach's Cello Suites especially by Yo-Yo Ma.......

2Cellos consist of  Luka Sulic and Stjepan Hauser.

I love their version of "Smooth Criminal" by Michael Jackson.


2Cellos Smooth Criminal

(If you are inclined toward classical: Vivaldi's 'Allegro'  2Cellos Allegro)


Tuesday, January 1, 2013

2013 - The Return...

I know. It has been a long time since last I posted....that's the way life goes.

I have so much to be grateful for! Since the last post I got a new job - well two a good one and then an even better one! Yes, even in this economy. Of course I was distracted by the election and all the associated shenanigans, to the point where I very deliberately unplugged from most media outlets.

I thought I was changing the direction of the blog but what I realize is; I really have not. The blog is about black women looking inside themselves and acknowledging their worth, their value. The blog is about embracing the positive aspects of who you are and distancing yourself from foolishness, drama, and toxicity. It's about recognizing damage and repairing your personal damage; while moving away from those creating, promulgating, and profiting from damage and the perpetuation of damage.

Empowerment (to me) means having the clarity of mind and spirit and the access to information (wisdom where available) to make the best decision for you! All decisions have consequences. Personally, I'm striving to make the best decision in a given situation to produce the most positive and beneficial outcome for ME!

This blog is personal endeavor and a social one. I am diversifying the content, so get ready for the Nerdery! Fitness, vegetarian/vegan and juicing commentary will also be included regularly.

Check out this amazing low calorie soup at  Red Lentil Soup

I neither endorse nor recommend the 5:2 Diet! The soup however, is low calorie and vegan.

Peace _/\_

Saturday, June 2, 2012

The Geeks Come Out At Night!

So many geeks so little time!

As black women broaden the scope of what it means to be black women - forcing open the eyes of media and society - we see how different and complex we are as people.

Nerd girls (and ladies) occupy a particular space in our culture. When people think nerd girl, they generally think white girl (when they think of her at all). Historically, 'nerd', especially as it applies to women, was not a positive description. Nerd girls in the main, are thought of as mousey, and smart and boring. No one desired nerd girl, no even nerd boy.

Things change.

Whether through conscious effort or unconscious factors, opinions change. The nerd girl or 'quirky girl' (as she been made-over in the media) is now a viable option as far as social identification goes.

Next up, nerd girls/ladies who happen to be black.

Not the educated, independent woman the media laments about. Well, technically they lament about single, black nerd girls too, but we are not identified as a specific subset. Nerd girls are often not seen and rarely listened to by the media...

And then MSNBC gave MHP a talk show.

Melissa Harris Perry. With a national television show as a platform, MHP is one of many making smart the new 'cool'. As does Professor Blair Kelly. And in empowerment circles I would be remiss if I did not mention Khadija. Smart, incisive, considered, these ladies, dare I say nerd ladies, represent a different way to be a woman and black in this country.

Yes I know I am giving the whole intersection of being a woman and black and smart the short shrift, but the post is merely an introduction.

I cannot say whether the women consider themselves nerds, but smart people are often labeled (and persecuted) for exercising their brain power. The term nerd girl encompasses so many ways of being nerd-like, that it is a mistake to think of a nerd as one thing. Yes, there is diversity in how one can rock your nerd-itude (is that a word)?


The blog At the Bar ( does a good job of covering fan-girl culture as it pertains to some black women.

For general geek-i-tude take a look at ( They did a great article about Jodie from MTV cartoon series 'Daria' which sparked this very post.


Sunday, April 8, 2012


It has been a while since I posted anything to this blog. Real life has a way of being more immediate and demanding. In these challenging times finding a job is a job in itself! Getting a new job is a blessing, yaay me!! Luckily, those things happened to me near the end of 2011, and my energies shifted to my real-life transition from freelance fitness professional to HR professional (again) with health insurance.

Pursuing your dreams can be a good thing, heck; pursuing your dreams can be a great thing! Especially when you can make a living at what you pursue. Not just surviving, mind you, but thriving! Increasing! Living well! And should you discover you cannot have all the things you’d like to have pursuing your dreams; I reckon it’s better to have this knowledge going forward than not to know, to always wonder what if. I believe I will post more about this later.

The topic of this post is not changes in profession or what can happen when you pursue your dreams.

The topic for this post is: The Rise of the Singletons.

People change. Countries changes. Societies change. Census takers track change by enumerating people. To give the information meaning, the census takers not only count people, they also gather data about people through various descriptions, age, gender, homeowner, education and yes, race. One change being tracked county to country is the number of single people. Specifically, the growing number of single people in western-styled societies.

The distribution of households from 1980 to 2009 show an increase in people living alone.

2006 Canada = 26.8%

2005 Japan = 29.5%

2005 France = 32.8%

2008 Germany = 39.4%

2008 Sweden = 48.1%

2008 United Kingdom = 30.0%

The percentage do not include single parent households; these are households with one person living in them. The US 2010 Census indicates one-person households make up 24.9% of all US households.

I cite this information not as a cudgel or an indictment of single women, rather as a statement of fact. A quarter of adults in this country live by themselves. Some of these people like living alone; some hate not having someone to share their home and lives with; some want desperately to be married; some want be married but are not so desperate; some don’t want to be married; some don’t ever want to be married again the permutations are endless.

I started this blog with an eye towards fleshing out my ideas with regard to empowering myself, challenging myself to think differently, and a space to process what I was reading on other BWE blogs. I learned a great deal from the first wave bloggers Sara, Evia CW, Rev. Lisa, Khadija (she’s written a few new posts, you might want to wander by both of her blogs), and a few others. I was challenged by what I read, sometimes annoyed, but mostly enriched. BWE blogs asked us to consider wider options for ourselves in our thought patterns, living circumstances, dating, marriage, etc. The conversation about dating/marrying men of different colors/cultures/countries resonated with me and with so many other women; for those of us who had already considered this a viable option, the blogs served as affirmation.

I fully support any woman who decides to expand her dating pool and consider men who are loving, supportive, protective and about providing a good life for his family. Not being coupled, about all I can do with respect to marriage and couple hood is to advocate for and to black women to open their minds and engage the rainbow.

My single self cannot tell anyone about being married.

I can however tell you about being SINGLE and living well!

I can discuss my thoughts and experiences as a single, straight, introverted, vaguely awkward, nerd-lady (because I have lived long enough to be one), who lives in the South in a ridiculously ‘red’ state.

While my topics may not focus on dating or marriage, I believe what I cover will engage single ladies who are looking/working to be coupled - and those single ladies who are just living their lives and enjoying what life brings.

No, I am not anti-marriage, but I have hopped off the matri-mania treadmill I put myself on a couple of years ago. I am done worrying about why I am not married; instead, I am focusing on living the best life I can. And if, in my travels (outside of the South, apparently) I meet an interesting fellow…cool. If not, also cool.

I am fortunate! I love my life! And I want to the same for you!

Peace & Love

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Protect Your Daughters (Nieces, Granddaughters, etc.)

I thought I was done with this blog. BUT, then something like this comes along. Sadly, I refer to the Amber Cole situation. I will certainly not provide a twitter link or any direct links; I will, however, direct you to 'What About Our Daughters' ( so you can read the October 19th post regarding young Ms. Cole.

The fact that someone (man or woman) recorded this fourteen year-old AND posted said video on twitter is a sin and a shame and a CRIME!!! The GIRL is fourteen!!!! Anyone who views this video and anyone who retweets the hashtag is trafficking in CHILD PORNOGRAPHY!!!

What is wrong with those of you who watched this trash and rather than report this to law enforcement or child protective services decided to retweet this filth!!

Really?! Really?

Is this who you want to be?

Don't even start with her being 'willing' or 'giving consent'!!! She is FOURTEEN!

How are you present when this 'ish' happens?

There is no defense for recording this child.

There is no defense for posting the video. 

None. Fullstop.

Attempting to do so is perverse.

This is NOT funny!

This is NOT entertaining!


You cannot care about women and retweet this malicious attack on a fourteen year old.


Friday, May 20, 2011

...With Malice Toward Black Women

A popular trope on the Internetz is how paranoid black women are when it comes to how we are perceived by the larger society. Black women are often told WE are the ones suffering from the delusion of being attacked by the media; WE suffer from the delusion anyone pays attention to us, other than the stalwart black men who love us of course (duh!); and WE are the ones who see enemies where none exist.

The stereotype of black women being angry, jealous, incompetent, and hard to get along with are served up weekly on 'The Apprentice' (from what I've read, I do not watch the show). The straight up hot mess that is the 'Real Housewives' franchise - again I have not watched any of the shows but the media saturation is so pervasive with this type of show, one would have to abstain from all forms of media (internet, TV, smart phone, computers, newspapers, magazines, etc) to escape having a nodding acquaintance with this kind of 'entertainment'- black women are constantly shown in a negative, lowest-common-denominator light. Don't even get me started on the music videos and rap music and ghetto culture!

Psychology Today vs. Black Women

Media matters! How black women are portrayed in the media matters! I was already disgusted by the NPR and AP coverage of the floods in Mississippi which seem to include the most poverty stricken women whose pictures and on-air interviews are cringe worthy; then there was the reaction by some to the mEssence cover featuring Wendy Williams; and then this absolute junk science foolishness by this so-called 'evolutionary scientist'! This man uses supposedly 'objective' survey of British adolescents to declare black women are less attractive than everyone else on the planet. And the Psychology Today publishes this tripe online! Their excuse for publishing the author's article is they don't exercise editorial review with their online articles and since they didn’t pay for the article, it should not assume the article reflects the opinion of PT; even though it appeared (briefly) on their website.

Apparently since the man publishes online articles with PT on a regular basis, they allow him to publish his opinion without reading the article prior to publication. It's not like this person hasn't published controversial articles in the past, he has; yet PT has decided exercising editorial discretion when it comes to junk science claims put forth by their authors is perfectly acceptable standard operating procedure. There was enough blowback early enough on Monday for PT to tweak the title of the article before finally removing the article (there was so much traffic the site crashed) without comment. Of course you can find screenshots of the article if you look.

I used to think PT was reputable publication online and hardcopy, however, their recent covers resemble nothing as much as a glossy fashion magazine! For me PT now carries as much intellectual weight as TMZ or Bossip.

Oh Great and Powerful Oz…err DSK

The media storm surrounding the alleged assault in New York by the former director of the IMF will be instructional. In the media capital of the US (if not the world), a perfect storm of media frenzy is taking shape. A rich, powerful, white guy who is/was a leading contender to be the next president of France is accused of sexually assaulting a poor, immigrant, black woman who worked as a ‘chamber maid’.

The French media has already published her name and the names of her family members. The US media has already visited the apartment building where she lived in Brooklyn and spoken to neighbors to get background on her. REALLY, they went to where the woman lived?!?! I say lived, because her lawyer has said it was necessary to move the woman and her child from the building because of the stalker-razzi (press).

So now her neighbors know she was assaulted. Privacy, Privacy, wherefore art thou, Privacy??

The rich guy has his defenders; they question why in the world would a man like Strauss-Kahn; who, at least in theory, can have his pick of women for consensual relations; force his attentions on an unwilling BLACK woman? Never mind rape is not about sex. Never mind rape is about power. Implicit in the statement is why would a man of power and influence even take notice of a poor black ‘chamber maid’? I guess this person is wholly unfamiliar with the history of sexualized violence against black women specifically, in this country and women in general around the world.

Media Tricks and Obfuscations

The negative framing of the complainant has already begun. The media tells us she is a single mother (reports are her husband died); they have discovered she is {gasp!} a Muslim; they want to know why she went to his room alone (blaming – how original); they are speculating she is part of an international conspiracy to ruin Strauss-Kahn and dash his plans of becoming the next president of France.

What are her motivations they wonder?

What are her motivations? I’d say a desire for justice.

I expect the media will be as salacious and crude as they can. I will not be surprised to see them turn up the titillation factor to get people to click on their websites or buy their newspapers and magazines.

The question is can the one woman withstand the media firestorm? Media does not care about a routine story of a man allegedly assaulting a woman. Crimes like this happen every day; a fact the media finds largely unremarkable. This case, however, has it all; money, power, class, race, immigration, international monetary policy, presidential aspirations, and at least in the short term, the opportunity to pit one system of so-called journalism against another (US vs. France).

Can you see a movie coming out of this, or at least a two-part episode on Law and Order SVU? {sigh}

What the coverage will obscure is the right of this one black woman to her bodily integrity. What will be glossed over is the idea the larger society has that yet another black woman is falsely accusing a white man of rape (Duke, Brawley, etc.).

The subtext of debates about what happened is the belief (1) no one would bother to rape a black woman and (2) black woman cannot BE raped.

Who will protect and defend black women? What institutions and media concerns gather to protect our collective backs? Pay attention because many fake allies and false friends may just show their true intent either by what the say or by their conspicuous silence.


Wednesday, April 20, 2011

iRant: All the Single Ladies

Is anyone else tired of looking for a relationship or is it just me?

I am weary of being told I'm doing something wrong if I'm not married by now despite all the advice and Internet, speed dating, online matchmaking options. Single black women are told to lose weight (were I to lose 10 pounds I'd look like a crackhead); change our attitude (I have a happy, friendly disposition most of the time); and to grow up and stop being so superficial (as in: stop looking for Adonis with a huge bank account and a PhD (wait…who's been reading my perfect husband list :-D )!!!

Granted, some of us need to hear these admonishments because some of us are tragically superficial when it comes to the opposite sex. On the same hand; black women also get slammed for not having standards (ex-cons, criminals, the permanently unemployed, players, baby daddies, pimps, and various other losers).

What is a single woman to do after she has retrained her brain to screen out low/no value guys (regardless of race), whittled her figure down to a single digit dress size, is childfree, travelled the Internet dating route and yet is still single? No she's not looking for guys in the club or the strip bar; yes, she has changed her social circle (hanging out with married women may not prove helpful), has expanded her mind, has changed her wardrobe (do not fear color!) but, she remains persistently single.

According to some of the blogs she has done something wrong. Perhaps she needs to move to another state where inter-racial dating is more commonplace. Perhaps she needs to get out there more (wherever out there is). Perhaps she needs a better plan of action or she needs to be more realistic about what type of man she can reasonably attract with her looks, age, weight issues.

I've seen a lot of people online professing to be dating coaches, who will guarantee success...after you pay them a couple hundred dollars. I've already given eharmony and match as much money as I'm going to at this point and I'm not about to give some person I've never met more of my hard-earned money. Bloggers and online dating business people suggest single people consider the money paid for their ‘service’ as an investment in future happiness? Future happiness? Whatever! What about present happiness? How about being happy right now! How about purchasing a small house on/near the beach in Costa Rica! Now there’s a better investment to my mind.

This is my independence day. I am done with the husband hunt. If you want to think of me as a failure, that's your prerogative. If you envision me as a lonely bitter woman who will die alone and become food for cats (actually read this on an BW-IR marriage blog recently) again your prerogative, though what distinguishes you from the damaged men who cheerfully predict a similar fate for women who refuse to lower/remove their standards and 'help a brother out' is not clear.

Making this declaration feels good! It feels like the resistance I have been experiencing is gone. It feels like a weight has been lifted. I am free to wholeheartedly pursue other goals I've set for myself such as creating an intentional community of friends and researching retirement communities which provide safety, intellectual stimulation, physical fitness, and opportunities to socialize with a diverse group of people. It means I am deliberate about my present and my future. It means I will not allow the fact I am not married to stop my progress, nor will I allow myself to be relegated to a lesser status by married women.

Empowerment blogs must also include women who are single by choice; single through no fault of their own; and single despite their best efforts. I don’t think perpetuating the class system of womanhood where married women are on top and single women are at the bottom is healthy or emancipating. If you are married, congratulations! Be aware, the thinly veiled contempt/disdain leaking through some blog posts and comments in regard to your fellow women who are single is not attractive, helpful, or empowering.

There is more to being a woman than marital status. Yes, I've wanted to be married; no, I am not currently married. No, I am not wasting anymore time wailing and gnashing my teeth either. I have a fabulous life! I am fortunate! I am living my life as a whole human being, a first class person not second class or third class. Feel sorry for me if you want. Feel superior to me if you need to, but personally, I don't care. I’m busy living my life.